Why Aren’t You Following Me on Twitter

(The “French Kiss” Version)

* ( If you are following me already, then please scroll to the bottom of this article and press retweet, there’s a jolly good person!)

Why Aren’t You Following Me on Twitter –

With an estimated 12 million people using Twitter by the end of 2009, I am puzzled by the distinct lack of followers choosing to indulge my fantasy of expecting them to hang on to my every last tweet.

Yes, shocking isn’t it.  So, taking the bull by the horns, (an overly graphic image of a brave forcados), I have decided to investigate this matter further.

Should you wish to avoid reading any more of this inane drivel, then kindly press @bobwcaincom and follow me now!

(72 virgin maidens await you … Honest!)

(Picture of virgins for the benefit of those with a poor imagination)

Have I fulfilled the basic requisites –

To this end, I see a simple picture as one of the most important requirements. Leaving your picture blank is a blatant sign of “not giving a damn”. Yes it is me, warts and all!

I have completed a quirky bio - Who Me! …..just biding my time as I wait to be recycled! Why not join me for a follow! – Please note the casual, yet alluring reference to the fact that, should you choose to follow me, then I will, with the odd exception, follow you back… (The odd exception) – Usually it’s an account with no information and no posts. (I find those a little creepy!)

Now for the professional  touch, I have provided a Twitter landing page, an introduction and welcome, plus a link to my website,- bobwcain.com - a bit of a private indulgence designed for personal use, but with an interesting take on life in general, – oh!  – And some excellent music thrown in for good measure.

And last, but not least, I have taken the time to create a stunning background, exalting my finer points!

Am I Interesting –

Ha! – is this it? – Am I just a dozy, boring “old bugger!” with a nonsensical attitude on life? Well of course I am, and damn well proud of it!

Interesting is a concept seldom shared.

What I like could very well bore the pants off of you, and vice versa.  My humour is by and large, of the English persuasion, that is to say, I am more into “Monty Python” and “The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy”, than is possibly healthy for me!

My attitude to politics is very tongue in cheek, and yet, serious.  I recently described myself to an American political commentator as a “Verbal Terrorist”… Not a smart thing to do! … I could feel the horns growing as I read his reply.

I do tend to concern myself in the state of British politics, with a less than kindly attitude towards the “Idiots” currently running our country. Unfortunately, those waiting in the wings could well prove to be far worse.

And I do this with the knowledge that every word I say is out there and recorded, make of that what you will!

I also hold very strong opinions on the effects of “Global Warming”…. “It’s all over bar the shouting” kind of thing! …. I see you reaching for the little cross at the top of your browser! … “Bloody Nutter!” …. Ha!  Ha!

Follow You, Follow Me

Now this is a great idea, but how do you attract the follower in the first place, well there are a couple of ways –

(A small tutorial now follows)

You can go down the path of paying, not one I would consider as a private individual, however, if you are a corporate company looking for the “Fashionable Presence”, then I guess that that is acceptable.

Self promotion – The alternative to parting with your hard earned cash! –

This is what I have done to attempt to increase my following. There are a number of websites out there encouraging you to sign up and get free followers, be very careful, some of the less scruples sites will use your details and password to promote themselves,  and inflict upon you all sorts of accounts that have absolutely no intention whatsoever, of following you back.

This has happened to me, and it’s a pain in the “arse” getting rid of the “elite” few who think their shit doesn’t smell.  I am sure some of you are stuck with them; they have thousands of followers, and two or three, who they deem to see fit to return the follow too!  Precocious or what!

The first requirement is to find a site that will allow you to keep control of who is, and who is not, returning your follow. I use –

http://friendorfollow.com/

- And sometimes -

http://dossy.org/twitter/karma/

They are both much of a muchness; it’s useful to have an option should one or the other’s site be down.

Now who to trust with your log in details, as I have said above, this is a chancy thing, I have been using a site at –

http://mrtweet.com/

Mr. Tweet is a useful site to find people, like your good self, who are looking to increase their following. My advice is to follow those with a balanced account, that is to say, their followers are equal in number to their following. – err! … Or something like that! … I hope that makes sense!

There are more sites out there should you wish to look, or why not head over to Mashable, a great site that points you in the direction of any number of interesting things.

http://mashable.com/

Ok! – Now this is where the system completely breaks down, you find suitable candidates for a follow select and retweet them through Mr. Tweet, and they completely ignore you.

How to deal with this!

Firstly I see if they live close to me, then I head over to their house and throw a brick through their window! – That should do it….. Sadly, this is the point where I wake with a start, and fall of my chair.

Having regained my posture in my swinging, revolving, all singing and dancing comfort zone (chair), I then proceed to one of the aforementioned sites and delete the buggers, drastic actions being called for! .. Besides, they hurt my feeling and need punishing … bring back hanging, that’s what I say, Twittering is too good for them.

Which brings me all the way back to the question?

Why Aren’t You Following Me on Twitter –

Buggered if I know!

Answers on a postcard to: -   @bobwcaincom

Alternatively you can use the comments below!

Oh! – And thanks for making it this far … Regards Bob!

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